Strange question. But one that I often think about. Things have happened in my past, some I can talk about as I’ve processed them but other things, the nightmare things I push to the back of my mind as I can’t talk about them. I don’t think I ever can and I just don’t see a way of ever being able to process them.
I hate that other peoples actions have had a negative effect upon my life. I hate that someone decided to behave in a certain way and my life was affected as a result. My life came crashing down. My life hit a very low point. I hate that they just walked away leaving as if nothing had ever happened.
I hate that despite trying to process what happened I never will process it. I’ll never move on without processing it. Not a day goes by without me thinking about it.
Another person broke me. Left me there, unwanted and broken. It took a long time to let anyone in and even now I don’t think I’ve let anyone all the way in. There is still a part of me that hates myself. Rightly or wrongly someone’s actions have made me wary of everyone. I’m wary of people who don’t deserve to be treated like this but I can’t help myself.
I can’t forget the past and I will forever be cautious of everybody as I don’t ever want to go there again. I dislike myself so much for allowing myself to be broken.
How can one act, one destructive act affect another so much? How can someone treat another human that way?
Will I ever learn to love me? I really don’t know as how can I love something I don’t like?