This Is Life Right Now

Life right now is a little chaotic to say the least. When I wrote my post back in January about my goals for 2018 I never in a million years dreamt what would happen over the next two months. It really has been like a nightmare, all because somebody decided they wanted to hurt me. They just couldn’t let me get on with my life and when I met someone else they turned very nasty. All I know is they need to get some help as this isn’t normal behaviour and all I did was call them out about their lies. It seems I shouldn’t have done that, I should have ignored their lies and carried on regardless but I wasn’t going to do that. I wasn’t going to be complicit in their deceit.

Sadly because of all this my health has taken a turn for the worst and it has taken over everything, every aspect of my life has been affected by the deceitful actions of another. The police were involved and quite frankly were useless but I took a deep breath and sent an email calling this person out on even more lies and just emailed the proof. It was clear when the police told them to leave me alone they thought I was taking a huge stab in the dark about what I was saying as they only left me alone for 2 days. Obviously they believed I didn’t have the proof.  Since the email was sent they don’t appear to be stalking me from home anymore but there are another couple of ip addresses following a very similar pattern although not as frequently. The damage has been done and some of it may not be reversible but I’ve certainly learnt not to trust people the hard way. I know it’s unfair on others but I can’t put myself in this situation again.

So where do I go from here. One thing is for sure I’m certainly not going to dwell on the past any more I need to put everything that’s gone on over the past 12 to 18 months completely and utterly behind me. I sadly met somebody who lied to take advantage to get what he wanted and then when I caught, proceeded to make my life hell for a further eight months which resulted in me becoming very ill, more ill than they could ever imagine. I know deep down that their behaviour affected my health last year and did contribute to all the issues I had including going into a coma. I need to concentrate on getting better and getting over what further damage has been done this year to my health. It really is going to be a hard journey and it’s one I need to do and I need to do it for my own happiness one tiny step at a time.

To start with I’m going back to my yearly goals. I broke them down in to quarterly, then monthly and finally weekly bite sized plans but I only started the first weeks plan. This time I am spreading what I wanted to do each week over 2 weeks. January’s plans should now keep me busy until around the end of April. During the next two months I plan to re-evaluate what I actually hoped to do and actually I need to take out a few things but I will plan to achieve my goals in more manageable sizes appropriate to my current health.

Next week I had an afternoon tea planned but it has been cancelled due to bad weather but I’ve rearrange that for a few weeks time and I am really looking forward to it as it is a Alice in Wonderland themed afternoon tea. I also have a few days away for my birthday to look forward to where guess what, another afternoon tea is booked.  While I am recuperating there is a large amount of sleeping going on as I am getting fatigued so easily.  Take yesterday for example, I met a friend for lunch.  Prior to this I ran an errand which took about 30 minutes and picked up a few things at the supermarket.  I sat and talked for around 3 1/2 hours over lunch then went home and slept for 2 hours.  I had done nothing to exert myself at all but my body just can’t cope at the moment.

I have also tried to get back to doing things for me.  doing things that I enjoy ad find relaxing.  I have done some scrapbooking ver the past couple of weeks but what used to take me maybe 40 minutes to an hour is now taking me all afternoon and the simple thing of cutting paper is meaning that my wrists and hands are quite painful for a couple of days later.  when did I become so old?  It does scare me how much my health has deteriorated so much the last 12 months and I still struggle on daily basis with what I now refer to as coma brain.  I struggle to think that I actually have a Master’s degree as mt concentration is appalling and I find it so hard to do things that need concentration.  I won’t tell you how long this post has taken to write but it’s been done over a number of sessions covering most of this week.

Here’s to things changing for the good and no more talk of deceitful lying little boys.  One of my goals this year is to thank my loyal readers who subscribe to my newsletter with recipes and offers just available to them.  If you’d like to subscribe to my newsletter I’d really appreciate it.  If you aren’t already signed up to the Buckets Of Tea club you can do so on the form in the right hand side bar.