Behind The Smile

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Is not always what you imagine.

Sometimes behind that smile is pain.

Really physical pain.

Some days

I said it.

Not really the whole truth.

Its not just limited to some days.  It happens everyday.

Some good, not being able to walk days.  Others, just normal pain days.

Pain shouldn’t be normal.

But for me it is.

Everyday.

Struggling to walk pain.

Struggling to move.

Struggling to live life.

I’m struggling to type this.  Every time a finger touches one of the keys on my keyboard, it hurts.

Really hurts.

I went to the toilet earlier.  I had to use a wheelchair to get there.

I then had to ask my daughter to pull my underwear up.  You see not only could I not bend but it hurt too much to hold it in my hand.  I just couldn’t make a grasping hand.

It hurt.

It really hurt.

Yesterday, you would look at me and think wow she looks well.

Today, you would look at me and think I look old.  Very old.  Unable to stand up straight.

Today, you would say I look sad.  Unable to move without tears rolling down my face.

Today, you would look at me and think I was broken.

But I will pick myself up and put on a smile.

The days you go out with a smile on your face, it still hurts.

It really hurts.

But you put that smile on and face the world.

Just because you see a smile, it doesn’t mean someone is not hurting.

Next time you judge someone with a disabled parking badge or using a disabled toilet.  Step back for one minute and think, well done them.  They are getting up and getting out.  It may have taken every ounce of strength to do that.  It may have taken 2 hours to shower and dress.  But they did it.  The have fought through the pain and are smiling.

Don’t judge.

You can’t always see the pain behind the smile.

31 Comments

  1. 8th March 2016 / 6:59 AM

    Sending hugs. I struggle with arthritis but not so much that I need assistance. Hope they find something to help manage your pain xx

  2. 8th March 2016 / 8:02 AM

    It’s bloody hard, I suffer with chronic migraine. I lose approximately 20 days a month to chronic pain….and as a consequence am judged… its just horrible. Great post. I hear you.

  3. 8th March 2016 / 8:27 AM

    So sorry to hear about your pain I can not imagine having pain daily and yes we shouldn’t judge for we don’t know what’s happening in the back ground.

  4. 8th March 2016 / 9:44 AM

    I completely admire people like you who however tough life is you still push yourself to carry on living and doing what you want to do. My mum has had numerous operations on her ankle, bones fused together and had arthritis in her ankle and she struggles to walk sometimes and people give us funny looks when we’re in a disabled parking bay with my mums badges because sometimes she looks like she is walking relatively normally but people don’t see everything. Hope your arthritis eases up a bit x

  5. 8th March 2016 / 10:37 AM

    Sorry to hear about your pain Candace. Sending you virtual hugs. Hope somehow the days get better for you. xx

  6. 8th March 2016 / 10:38 AM

    I’m so sorry you are going through so much pain. You are a real life fighter! xxx

  7. 8th March 2016 / 11:43 AM

    Absolutely agree, people are too quick to judge sometimes when instead they should take a moment to think about what it feels to be that person x

  8. 8th March 2016 / 12:13 PM

    Thank you for articulating something that so many people have to live with every day. My Mum has fibromyalgia and she still manages to make time for her grandchildren when they want to play, even when she is suffering internally.

  9. 8th March 2016 / 5:04 PM

    Aw hun here if you need to talk and it riles me that people judge just because someone looks ‘ok’. You never really know what someone is going through and just dismissing them because they look fine is wrong and ignorant.

  10. 8th March 2016 / 7:18 PM

    Awww hun x a great post to raise awareness of hidden pain. Hope you get some welcomed relief from your symptoms. We admire your get-up and go x

  11. 8th March 2016 / 7:38 PM

    Sending love and hugs, I’m feeling sorry for myself just having spd, I can’t imagine what you go through especially in the bad days. I hate the judgmental side of people and you’re totally right that we should feel inspired by people who get out and make sure they still have a life even when they’re in pain xx

  12. 8th March 2016 / 8:34 PM

    Beautifully written – I am so sorry to read of how you suffer. You are so right – we can’t and should not judge anyone else. Kaz x

  13. 8th March 2016 / 9:26 PM

    I had this in the past because it was my young daughter who the badge belonged too. Some saw me and made comments and then I pointed out it was my daughter who was disabled. They then tended to look very sheepish.

  14. 8th March 2016 / 9:31 PM

    people don’t often look past the smile, they dont bother to ask how you are. A smile hides a multitude of feelings

  15. 8th March 2016 / 9:49 PM

    This is truly an inspirational blog. Well done to have smiled. I hope your pain is relieved. God bless. Afshan. 🙂

  16. 8th March 2016 / 10:21 PM

    Sorry to hear you’ve so much pain. Before I blogged I didn’t know anyone who had chronic pain. Now I know of lots and it’s so important to increase understanding of how people have different problems and how to deal with it.

  17. 9th March 2016 / 6:32 AM

    Sorry to hear about this. My wife has similar issues and it’s unimaginably distressing. 🙁

  18. 9th March 2016 / 9:25 AM

    awww, bless you. I’m so sorry to hear about your pain 🙁 i can relate because I struggle with pain on an (almost) daily basis too. I have a rare brain disease that causes headaches and visual problems. I can relate to your pain and how you’re feeling and it’s very hard to put a smile on. You are a very strong person. Sending hugs! xx

  19. 9th March 2016 / 9:36 AM

    It must be tough on good days never mind the bad days. I’m always impressed by how you keep going. x

  20. 9th March 2016 / 12:49 PM

    Reading this made me feel so sad. I’ve been suffering from severe psoriatic arthritis in my left foot for the last couple of weeks, which has made it really difficult to walk. I’ve been so self-conscious hobbling from the tube to the office every day, but this has put it into perspective for me a lot.

  21. 9th March 2016 / 2:38 PM

    You are incredible – I’m so sorry to hear how painful day to day life is for you, and I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all disappear. But take solace in that there are those of us out there who are very sympathetic and understanding of disabilities – and I like to think that most people are! It’s just those idiot, closeminded people who just have no empathy or understanding. Keep smiling, when you can, and don’t beat yourself up when you can’t.

  22. 9th March 2016 / 2:55 PM

    I really hope you see some improvement soon, I have a chronic back condition and know how bad pain can be on a daily basis. Xx

  23. 9th March 2016 / 5:45 PM

    This sounds absolutely horrendous and you have my utmost respect for dealing with it and smiling the way you do. You are an amazing woman!

  24. 9th March 2016 / 8:31 PM

    I wish I could wave a magic wave and make it all go away for you. You are a very resilient and brave lady.

  25. 9th March 2016 / 9:35 PM

    Very inspiring post indeed and you are certainly a strong woman. Still be able to do all these things and refusing to be held by challenges is indeed very inspiring.

  26. 10th March 2016 / 7:19 AM

    Still a lovely post. Eye-opener and certainly must-spread article. Keep smiling and I will not judge! 😉

  27. Renna
    10th March 2016 / 9:31 PM

    My thoughts are with you. You’re a very brave lady.

  28. 10th March 2016 / 10:04 PM

    Sorry to hear you are going through this.

  29. Candace
    Author
    14th April 2016 / 2:19 PM

    I get it all the time I look well and my daughters does too. It’s hard to change people’s views but I’ll never give up trying.

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