Behind The Smile

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Is not always what you imagine.

Sometimes behind that smile is pain.

Really physical pain.

Some days

I said it.

Not really the whole truth.

Its not just limited to some days.  It happens everyday.

Some good, not being able to walk days.  Others, just normal pain days.

Pain shouldn’t be normal.

But for me it is.

Everyday.

Struggling to walk pain.

Struggling to move.

Struggling to live life.

I’m struggling to type this.  Every time a finger touches one of the keys on my keyboard, it hurts.

Really hurts.

I went to the toilet earlier.  I had to use a wheelchair to get there.

I then had to ask my daughter to pull my underwear up.  You see not only could I not bend but it hurt too much to hold it in my hand.  I just couldn’t make a grasping hand.

It hurt.

It really hurt.

Yesterday, you would look at me and think wow she looks well.

Today, you would look at me and think I look old.  Very old.  Unable to stand up straight.

Today, you would say I look sad.  Unable to move without tears rolling down my face.

Today, you would look at me and think I was broken.

But I will pick myself up and put on a smile.

The days you go out with a smile on your face, it still hurts.

It really hurts.

But you put that smile on and face the world.

Just because you see a smile, it doesn’t mean someone is not hurting.

Next time you judge someone with a disabled parking badge or using a disabled toilet.  Step back for one minute and think, well done them.  They are getting up and getting out.  It may have taken every ounce of strength to do that.  It may have taken 2 hours to shower and dress.  But they did it.  The have fought through the pain and are smiling.

Don’t judge.

You can’t always see the pain behind the smile.

31 Comments

  • Kara

    8th March 2016 at 6:59 AM

    Sending hugs. I struggle with arthritis but not so much that I need assistance. Hope they find something to help manage your pain xx
    Kara recently posted…A Mother’s Day Stroll around Whitecliff ParkMy Profile

  • Charlie

    8th March 2016 at 8:02 AM

    It’s bloody hard, I suffer with chronic migraine. I lose approximately 20 days a month to chronic pain….and as a consequence am judged… its just horrible. Great post. I hear you.

  • Anosa

    8th March 2016 at 8:27 AM

    So sorry to hear about your pain I can not imagine having pain daily and yes we shouldn’t judge for we don’t know what’s happening in the back ground.

  • Rhian Westbury

    8th March 2016 at 9:44 AM

    I completely admire people like you who however tough life is you still push yourself to carry on living and doing what you want to do. My mum has had numerous operations on her ankle, bones fused together and had arthritis in her ankle and she struggles to walk sometimes and people give us funny looks when we’re in a disabled parking bay with my mums badges because sometimes she looks like she is walking relatively normally but people don’t see everything. Hope your arthritis eases up a bit x
    Rhian Westbury recently posted…My Passion For Reading in FebruaryMy Profile

  • Dean of Little Steps

    8th March 2016 at 10:37 AM

    Sorry to hear about your pain Candace. Sending you virtual hugs. Hope somehow the days get better for you. xx
    Dean of Little Steps recently posted…Three Types of House ViewersMy Profile

  • Gaby {lifeineight.com}

    8th March 2016 at 10:38 AM

    I’m so sorry you are going through so much pain. You are a real life fighter! xxx

  • Rachel

    8th March 2016 at 11:43 AM

    Absolutely agree, people are too quick to judge sometimes when instead they should take a moment to think about what it feels to be that person x

  • Catherine green

    8th March 2016 at 12:13 PM

    Thank you for articulating something that so many people have to live with every day. My Mum has fibromyalgia and she still manages to make time for her grandchildren when they want to play, even when she is suffering internally.
    Catherine green recently posted…#LookAgain My Kitchen Renovation ChallengeMy Profile

  • Sarah | Boo Roo and Tigger Too

    8th March 2016 at 12:26 PM

    Nobody knows what is hidden behind the masked smile upon someone’s face. We are all to easy to judge
    Sarah | Boo Roo and Tigger Too recently posted…Boo Roo and Tigger Too {February 2016}My Profile

  • Ana De- Jesus

    8th March 2016 at 5:04 PM

    Aw hun here if you need to talk and it riles me that people judge just because someone looks ‘ok’. You never really know what someone is going through and just dismissing them because they look fine is wrong and ignorant.
    Ana De- Jesus recently posted…International Women’s DayMy Profile

  • Baby Isabella

    8th March 2016 at 7:18 PM

    Awww hun x a great post to raise awareness of hidden pain. Hope you get some welcomed relief from your symptoms. We admire your get-up and go x
    Baby Isabella recently posted…Going Nutty for Putty!My Profile

  • Hannah Budding Smiles

    8th March 2016 at 7:38 PM

    Sending love and hugs, I’m feeling sorry for myself just having spd, I can’t imagine what you go through especially in the bad days. I hate the judgmental side of people and you’re totally right that we should feel inspired by people who get out and make sure they still have a life even when they’re in pain xx
    Hannah Budding Smiles recently posted…My Maternity Style Challenge With BonprixMy Profile

  • Ickle Pickle

    8th March 2016 at 8:34 PM

    Beautifully written – I am so sorry to read of how you suffer. You are so right – we can’t and should not judge anyone else. Kaz x
    Ickle Pickle recently posted…My Giant Fairy Tales Activity BookMy Profile

  • Emma

    8th March 2016 at 9:26 PM

    I had this in the past because it was my young daughter who the badge belonged too. Some saw me and made comments and then I pointed out it was my daughter who was disabled. They then tended to look very sheepish.
    Emma recently posted…Parity and raising strong childrenMy Profile

  • vicky

    8th March 2016 at 9:31 PM

    people don’t often look past the smile, they dont bother to ask how you are. A smile hides a multitude of feelings

  • Afshan Nasim

    8th March 2016 at 9:49 PM

    This is truly an inspirational blog. Well done to have smiled. I hope your pain is relieved. God bless. Afshan. 🙂

  • Emma T

    8th March 2016 at 10:21 PM

    Sorry to hear you’ve so much pain. Before I blogged I didn’t know anyone who had chronic pain. Now I know of lots and it’s so important to increase understanding of how people have different problems and how to deal with it.

  • Grant R

    9th March 2016 at 6:32 AM

    Sorry to hear about this. My wife has similar issues and it’s unimaginably distressing. 🙁
    Grant R recently posted…Can you guess the movies? Round 2My Profile

  • Sarah

    9th March 2016 at 9:25 AM

    awww, bless you. I’m so sorry to hear about your pain 🙁 i can relate because I struggle with pain on an (almost) daily basis too. I have a rare brain disease that causes headaches and visual problems. I can relate to your pain and how you’re feeling and it’s very hard to put a smile on. You are a very strong person. Sending hugs! xx

  • Erica Price

    9th March 2016 at 9:36 AM

    It must be tough on good days never mind the bad days. I’m always impressed by how you keep going. x
    Erica Price recently posted…A Day In A Cat’s LifeMy Profile

  • Jodie

    9th March 2016 at 12:49 PM

    Reading this made me feel so sad. I’ve been suffering from severe psoriatic arthritis in my left foot for the last couple of weeks, which has made it really difficult to walk. I’ve been so self-conscious hobbling from the tube to the office every day, but this has put it into perspective for me a lot.

  • Little Pickle’s Mom

    9th March 2016 at 2:38 PM

    You are incredible – I’m so sorry to hear how painful day to day life is for you, and I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all disappear. But take solace in that there are those of us out there who are very sympathetic and understanding of disabilities – and I like to think that most people are! It’s just those idiot, closeminded people who just have no empathy or understanding. Keep smiling, when you can, and don’t beat yourself up when you can’t.
    Little Pickle’s Mom recently posted…NCT Essentials Antenatal Class – Week ThreeMy Profile

  • Cathy Glynn

    9th March 2016 at 2:55 PM

    I really hope you see some improvement soon, I have a chronic back condition and know how bad pain can be on a daily basis. Xx

  • Sarah MumofThree World

    9th March 2016 at 5:45 PM

    This sounds absolutely horrendous and you have my utmost respect for dealing with it and smiling the way you do. You are an amazing woman!
    Sarah MumofThree World recently posted…A parents’ evening to be proud ofMy Profile

  • nessjibberjabberuk

    9th March 2016 at 8:31 PM

    I wish I could wave a magic wave and make it all go away for you. You are a very resilient and brave lady.
    nessjibberjabberuk recently posted…A Taste of GracewellMy Profile

  • Esther

    9th March 2016 at 9:35 PM

    Very inspiring post indeed and you are certainly a strong woman. Still be able to do all these things and refusing to be held by challenges is indeed very inspiring.
    Esther recently posted…7 Successful Women Bursting through the Gender Pay GapMy Profile

  • Jessica

    10th March 2016 at 7:19 AM

    Still a lovely post. Eye-opener and certainly must-spread article. Keep smiling and I will not judge! 😉
    Jessica recently posted…Ultimate List of the Best Luxury Hotels in Morocco #MuchMoroccoMy Profile

  • Fashion and Style Police

    10th March 2016 at 11:48 AM

    What a lovely post. Sorry to hear about your pain. Sending you virtual hugs x
    Fashion and Style Police recently posted…Beauty Treatments I Want UpdateMy Profile

  • Renna

    10th March 2016 at 9:31 PM

    My thoughts are with you. You’re a very brave lady.

  • Jenny

    10th March 2016 at 10:04 PM

    Sorry to hear you are going through this.
    Jenny recently posted…What I’m reading: London Stitch & KnitMy Profile

  • Candace

    14th April 2016 at 2:19 PM

    I get it all the time I look well and my daughters does too. It’s hard to change people’s views but I’ll never give up trying.

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