Behind The Smile

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Is not always what you imagine.

Sometimes behind that smile is pain.

Really physical pain.

Some days

I said it.

Not really the whole truth.

Its not just limited to some days.  It happens everyday.

Some good, not being able to walk days.  Others, just normal pain days.

Pain shouldn’t be normal.

But for me it is.

Everyday.

Struggling to walk pain.

Struggling to move.

Struggling to live life.

I’m struggling to type this.  Every time a finger touches one of the keys on my keyboard, it hurts.

Really hurts.

I went to the toilet earlier.  I had to use a wheelchair to get there.

I then had to ask my daughter to pull my underwear up.  You see not only could I not bend but it hurt too much to hold it in my hand.  I just couldn’t make a grasping hand.

It hurt.

It really hurt.

Yesterday, you would look at me and think wow she looks well.

Today, you would look at me and think I look old.  Very old.  Unable to stand up straight.

Today, you would say I look sad.  Unable to move without tears rolling down my face.

Today, you would look at me and think I was broken.

But I will pick myself up and put on a smile.

The days you go out with a smile on your face, it still hurts.

It really hurts.

But you put that smile on and face the world.

Just because you see a smile, it doesn’t mean someone is not hurting.

Next time you judge someone with a disabled parking badge or using a disabled toilet.  Step back for one minute and think, well done them.  They are getting up and getting out.  It may have taken every ounce of strength to do that.  It may have taken 2 hours to shower and dress.  But they did it.  The have fought through the pain and are smiling.

Don’t judge.

You can’t always see the pain behind the smile.

39 Comments

  1. 8th March 2016 / 8:02 AM

    It’s bloody hard, I suffer with chronic migraine. I lose approximately 20 days a month to chronic pain….and as a consequence am judged… its just horrible. Great post. I hear you.

  2. 8th March 2016 / 8:27 AM

    So sorry to hear about your pain I can not imagine having pain daily and yes we shouldn’t judge for we don’t know what’s happening in the back ground.

  3. 8th March 2016 / 9:44 AM

    I completely admire people like you who however tough life is you still push yourself to carry on living and doing what you want to do. My mum has had numerous operations on her ankle, bones fused together and had arthritis in her ankle and she struggles to walk sometimes and people give us funny looks when we’re in a disabled parking bay with my mums badges because sometimes she looks like she is walking relatively normally but people don’t see everything. Hope your arthritis eases up a bit x
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  4. 8th March 2016 / 10:09 AM

    I am so sorry that you are going through so much pain, and people are far to quick to judge others when it comes to disabilities. It drives me insane. Just because you can’t see something doesn’t mean it’s not real! I have never seen an elephant in real life, but I still believe they exist.

    I am hoping for an easier day for you today, and sending you lots of virtual hugs xx
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  5. 8th March 2016 / 10:38 AM

    I’m so sorry you are going through so much pain. You are a real life fighter! xxx

  6. 8th March 2016 / 11:43 AM

    Absolutely agree, people are too quick to judge sometimes when instead they should take a moment to think about what it feels to be that person x

  7. 8th March 2016 / 12:13 PM

    Thank you for articulating something that so many people have to live with every day. My Mum has fibromyalgia and she still manages to make time for her grandchildren when they want to play, even when she is suffering internally.
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  8. 8th March 2016 / 1:20 PM

    Great post, I really try not to judge others, and try to teach my children the same. We don’t know other peoples stories so we have no place to have an opinion. Good on you for still having a smile on your face.
    Kizzy recently posted…Authentic Blogging: Finding your voiceMy Profile

  9. 8th March 2016 / 5:04 PM

    Aw hun here if you need to talk and it riles me that people judge just because someone looks ‘ok’. You never really know what someone is going through and just dismissing them because they look fine is wrong and ignorant.
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  10. 8th March 2016 / 7:18 PM

    Awww hun x a great post to raise awareness of hidden pain. Hope you get some welcomed relief from your symptoms. We admire your get-up and go x
    Baby Isabella recently posted…Going Nutty for Putty!My Profile

  11. 8th March 2016 / 7:38 PM

    Sending love and hugs, I’m feeling sorry for myself just having spd, I can’t imagine what you go through especially in the bad days. I hate the judgmental side of people and you’re totally right that we should feel inspired by people who get out and make sure they still have a life even when they’re in pain xx
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  12. 8th March 2016 / 9:26 PM

    I had this in the past because it was my young daughter who the badge belonged too. Some saw me and made comments and then I pointed out it was my daughter who was disabled. They then tended to look very sheepish.
    Emma recently posted…Parity and raising strong childrenMy Profile

  13. 8th March 2016 / 9:31 PM

    people don’t often look past the smile, they dont bother to ask how you are. A smile hides a multitude of feelings

  14. 8th March 2016 / 9:49 PM

    This is truly an inspirational blog. Well done to have smiled. I hope your pain is relieved. God bless. Afshan. 🙂

  15. 8th March 2016 / 10:21 PM

    Sorry to hear you’ve so much pain. Before I blogged I didn’t know anyone who had chronic pain. Now I know of lots and it’s so important to increase understanding of how people have different problems and how to deal with it.

  16. 9th March 2016 / 9:25 AM

    awww, bless you. I’m so sorry to hear about your pain 🙁 i can relate because I struggle with pain on an (almost) daily basis too. I have a rare brain disease that causes headaches and visual problems. I can relate to your pain and how you’re feeling and it’s very hard to put a smile on. You are a very strong person. Sending hugs! xx

  17. 9th March 2016 / 9:36 AM

    It must be tough on good days never mind the bad days. I’m always impressed by how you keep going. x
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  18. 9th March 2016 / 12:49 PM

    Reading this made me feel so sad. I’ve been suffering from severe psoriatic arthritis in my left foot for the last couple of weeks, which has made it really difficult to walk. I’ve been so self-conscious hobbling from the tube to the office every day, but this has put it into perspective for me a lot.

  19. 9th March 2016 / 2:38 PM

    You are incredible – I’m so sorry to hear how painful day to day life is for you, and I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all disappear. But take solace in that there are those of us out there who are very sympathetic and understanding of disabilities – and I like to think that most people are! It’s just those idiot, closeminded people who just have no empathy or understanding. Keep smiling, when you can, and don’t beat yourself up when you can’t.
    Little Pickle’s Mom recently posted…NCT Essentials Antenatal Class – Week ThreeMy Profile

  20. 9th March 2016 / 2:55 PM

    I really hope you see some improvement soon, I have a chronic back condition and know how bad pain can be on a daily basis. Xx

  21. 9th March 2016 / 8:31 PM

    I wish I could wave a magic wave and make it all go away for you. You are a very resilient and brave lady.
    nessjibberjabberuk recently posted…A Taste of GracewellMy Profile

  22. 9th March 2016 / 8:37 PM

    This is so sad, people should never judge a book by it’s cover because you never quite know what is going on in someone’s life! I hope this pain becomes more manageable soon x

  23. 9th March 2016 / 10:03 PM

    Really great post, unless people have or know someone with chronic pain it isn’t something they think about. I don’t have chronic pain however I know all about pasting on a smile
    Idaintyit recently posted…Lifetree WorldMy Profile

  24. Renna
    10th March 2016 / 9:31 PM

    My thoughts are with you. You’re a very brave lady.

  25. 15th March 2016 / 8:00 AM

    This is so beautifully expressed, so sorry for the pain and what you are going through. So true that no one knows what pain, both emotional and physical lurks behind the smiles and frowns of the people we interact with daily.
    Thank you for sharing your post and pain in #ShowcaseTuesday linky

  26. 14th April 2016 / 12:58 PM

    awesome post, my daughter suffers with chronic fatigue syndrome and cyclical vomiting syndrome and other things, i have had amny comments, that she “looks fine to me” which is is insulting. She may look ok on the outside, but inside she is in torture. Thanks for highlighting ‘invisible illness and pain’ more needs to be done to recognise these factors.

    • Candace
      14th April 2016 / 2:19 PM

      I get it all the time I look well and my daughters does too. It’s hard to change people’s views but I’ll never give up trying.

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