Behind The Smile

smile

Is not always what you imagine.

Sometimes behind that smile is pain.

Really physical pain.

Some days

I said it.

Not really the whole truth.

Its not just limited to some days.  It happens everyday.

Some good, not being able to walk days.  Others, just normal pain days.

Pain shouldn’t be normal.

But for me it is.

Everyday.

Struggling to walk pain.

Struggling to move.

Struggling to live life.

I’m struggling to type this.  Every time a finger touches one of the keys on my keyboard, it hurts.

Really hurts.

I went to the toilet earlier.  I had to use a wheelchair to get there.

I then had to ask my daughter to pull my underwear up.  You see not only could I not bend but it hurt too much to hold it in my hand.  I just couldn’t make a grasping hand.

It hurt.

It really hurt.

Yesterday, you would look at me and think wow she looks well.

Today, you would look at me and think I look old.  Very old.  Unable to stand up straight.

Today, you would say I look sad.  Unable to move without tears rolling down my face.

Today, you would look at me and think I was broken.

But I will pick myself up and put on a smile.

The days you go out with a smile on your face, it still hurts.

It really hurts.

But you put that smile on and face the world.

Just because you see a smile, it doesn’t mean someone is not hurting.

Next time you judge someone with a disabled parking badge or using a disabled toilet.  Step back for one minute and think, well done them.  They are getting up and getting out.  It may have taken every ounce of strength to do that.  It may have taken 2 hours to shower and dress.  But they did it.  The have fought through the pain and are smiling.

Don’t judge.

You can’t always see the pain behind the smile.

39 thoughts on “Behind The Smile

  1. It’s bloody hard, I suffer with chronic migraine. I lose approximately 20 days a month to chronic pain….and as a consequence am judged… its just horrible. Great post. I hear you.

  2. So sorry to hear about your pain I can not imagine having pain daily and yes we shouldn’t judge for we don’t know what’s happening in the back ground.

  3. I completely admire people like you who however tough life is you still push yourself to carry on living and doing what you want to do. My mum has had numerous operations on her ankle, bones fused together and had arthritis in her ankle and she struggles to walk sometimes and people give us funny looks when we’re in a disabled parking bay with my mums badges because sometimes she looks like she is walking relatively normally but people don’t see everything. Hope your arthritis eases up a bit x
    Rhian Westbury recently posted…My Passion For Reading in FebruaryMy Profile

  4. I am so sorry that you are going through so much pain, and people are far to quick to judge others when it comes to disabilities. It drives me insane. Just because you can’t see something doesn’t mean it’s not real! I have never seen an elephant in real life, but I still believe they exist.

    I am hoping for an easier day for you today, and sending you lots of virtual hugs xx
    Leah Miller recently posted…The 30 Day Blogging Challenge – Day 4 – A picture of somewhere you have been…My Profile

  5. Sorry to hear you’ve so much pain. Before I blogged I didn’t know anyone who had chronic pain. Now I know of lots and it’s so important to increase understanding of how people have different problems and how to deal with it.

  6. awww, bless you. I’m so sorry to hear about your pain 🙁 i can relate because I struggle with pain on an (almost) daily basis too. I have a rare brain disease that causes headaches and visual problems. I can relate to your pain and how you’re feeling and it’s very hard to put a smile on. You are a very strong person. Sending hugs! xx

  7. Reading this made me feel so sad. I’ve been suffering from severe psoriatic arthritis in my left foot for the last couple of weeks, which has made it really difficult to walk. I’ve been so self-conscious hobbling from the tube to the office every day, but this has put it into perspective for me a lot.

  8. You are incredible – I’m so sorry to hear how painful day to day life is for you, and I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all disappear. But take solace in that there are those of us out there who are very sympathetic and understanding of disabilities – and I like to think that most people are! It’s just those idiot, closeminded people who just have no empathy or understanding. Keep smiling, when you can, and don’t beat yourself up when you can’t.
    Little Pickle’s Mom recently posted…NCT Essentials Antenatal Class – Week ThreeMy Profile

  9. This is so beautifully expressed, so sorry for the pain and what you are going through. So true that no one knows what pain, both emotional and physical lurks behind the smiles and frowns of the people we interact with daily.
    Thank you for sharing your post and pain in #ShowcaseTuesday linky

  10. Pingback: Showcase Tuesday Week Three - The Blog Centre

  11. awesome post, my daughter suffers with chronic fatigue syndrome and cyclical vomiting syndrome and other things, i have had amny comments, that she “looks fine to me” which is is insulting. She may look ok on the outside, but inside she is in torture. Thanks for highlighting ‘invisible illness and pain’ more needs to be done to recognise these factors.

    • I get it all the time I look well and my daughters does too. It’s hard to change people’s views but I’ll never give up trying.

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